Dealing with grief

Whenever someone close to you dies the sadness, grief and desperation at their loss can feel unbearable. this is sometimes known as the grieving process and it is important for you and everyone around you to understand what is happening.

You will feel many different moods and emotions with no way of controlling what is going through your mind. Sometimes you will be so preoccupied in thought you may not notice until afterwards.

Please try not to turn to drugs or alcohol at this time as this will exaggerate your feelings and reactions to yourself and others. Whatever you try to forget it will still be there when the drink or drugs wear off and you will feel worse or regret your actions.

I know this can be hard from my own experience but try to respect the person you are missing and be strong for them and their memory.

The first stage is Denial

You don't want it to be true. You would do anything for things to be different and back to how they were.

This is the body's way of protecting you and your mind. It seems as though you are watching from the outside looking in. You go through day to day actions and conversations without thinking, it all seems unreal because you do not want it to be true.
You will do anything to occupy yourself and avoid having to think about what has happened.

The second phase is Anger.

This may be directed at yourself, people around you, strangers or even god.
This comes from exhaustion, sadness and a feeling that maybe someone could have done something, anything for it all to be different.
Even if this is true do not beat yourself up or get into trouble. It won't alter the situation or bring a loved one back and will give you cause for regret later. my advice here is if you feel a need for vengeance leave it to the lord.

The third phase is Guilt.

Feeling guilty is not unusual at this time. Maybe there was something you said that could not be unsaid, maybe it was your actions or something you didn't do. Whatever you feel at this time use it to make yourself a better person in their memory. Some things can't be undone even when people are alive. you will not achieve anything by hurting yourself or taking blame.

Stage Four is Depression and Emptiness.

When the anger and guilt start to wear of you will feel drained mentally and physically too.
This is normal as time passes and you will feel empty inside. This is the time to start talking to people and hear what they say. Anything before this will not make sense and will not register.
Try to keep yourself clean and healthy as you would want the deceased to see you.

It is very easy to let things slide and say why bother. If you don't want to do it for yourself then do it for them and make them proud of what they can see.

The final stage is acceptance of your loss.

Things will never be the same but the saying " Life goes on." Really is true. There may be others around you that need your love and support. There will certainly be things to do that have been on hold while you have gone through the different stages. Move forward slowly and get back into your life as much as you can.

If you can't find motivation then share this feeling with those around you. Never forget but do not destroy their memory by destroying yourself.

Be the best person you can be in their honour and use this experience to be strong for others.